Vintage Greek-American Humor

One of the seriously-overlooked areas of Greek life in North America is humor. Jokes, humorous songs, word-plays, satirical political ditties, and comedy written for the stage are just a few of the time-honored genres of Greek-American humor. How humor serves/d to lift the spirits of Greeks faced with the totality of American life has yet to be studied in anything resembling a systematic manner.

Just as Greeks distinguish between themselves by place-of-birth and wave of immigration to America, so too are jokes and humor divided. Some jokes just don’t work if you’re not from a particular region of the country or from a specific wave of Greek

immigration. The following jokes are those I heard from Greek immigrants who arrived in the massive waves of immigration in the 1880 to 1920 period.

Jokes often tell of the common trials of immigrants not readily found in standard academic histories. With that being said nothing is more boring than explaining a joke.

Still it is clear that misunderstandings are the common theme in this particular selection of jokes. Also, as with much of Greek-American humor language skills prove to be a critical factor. Having a solid knowledge of both Greek and English is essential to the

humor. So let us begin!

FIRST DAY IN AMERICA

A young Greek arrives in New York City and is taken to an apartment where many Greek workers room together. Just as he sets his bag down, another Greek hands him a piece of paper and some money saying, “now go to the store and buy all the items on

this list.” “But I just arrived! I don’t speak and English how can I buy all these groceries?”

The young Greek replied in shock. “No excuses, you must learn about America even on your first day.”

After wandering around for some time, the Greek youth finally locates a grocery store. Timidly, he walks in, and at first, he finds a number of items on the long list. Soon, he is in trouble. The American grocer comes up to the young man and they begin to gesture

as they try and communicate. One way or another, they man age to get every item on the list except tea. Nothing works. Finally they give up.

The grocer packs everything up and sends the dejected youth on his way. The young immigrant turns to leave carrying all the assorted bundles and bags. Realizing that after spending so much time with the young immigrant there is but one item they missed the

grocer is so frustrated he begins to talk to himself, “I tried, what else could I do?” The Greek, taken off guard and thinking the grocer is speaking to him turns and says, “Ti;”

The grocer turns to the youth saying, “Tea! Well, why didn’t you say so we have plenty of tea. I’ll get you some.”

AMERICAN GOLD

Most Greeks came to America only to make enough money to dower a sister or two, buy some fields, and then return home. A number of jokes revolve around the theme of Greeks expecting to strike it rich. After spending years in America many Greeks began

to discover a surprising array of Hellenic references in their daily life. The following joke reflects these two quite different aspects of shared experience.

Two Greeks get off the boat at Kastengardi (Castle Gardens, which was America’s first immigrant receiving center, which saw 8 million immigrants go through its doors from 1855 to 1890. In 1892, Ellis Island became the new receiving center.) With train tickets

pinned to their coats they headed out west. Just as they stepped off the train in California they learn of the Gold Rush. Ha!, this is e

xactly what they expected from Ameriki!

While not knowing any English, the two still found work due to the Gold Fever. Along with an assorted group of men, the two Greeks are taken to the nearby mountains, shown a piece of gold ore and then are sent out to walk across the mountain sides to look for gold. They search for hours. Then, all of a sudden, one the Greeks finds some gold. He calls his patriotis over and confirms the fact that he has found real gold. The youth turns to call out to the American boss but then realizes he doesn’t know any English. Too excited to care, the young Greek begins to wave his arms shouting, “To vrika! To vrika!”

“What is that Greek saying?” one American asks the other. “Don’t rightly know, but, it sounds like Eureka.”

MEETING GERONIMO

In the very early days of immigration a young Greek decided to head out west to seek his fortune and joined a wagon train. One day the wagon train was attacked by none other than the dreaded chief Geronimo! Bravely the pioneers gather their wagons into a

circle to fight but the Indians kill everyone. The young Greek is the last one alive. Surrounded by Indians it is Geronimo himself who steps forward and puts a knife to the Greek’s throat. “Panagia!,” the Greek cries out. Shocked Geronimo drops his knife grabs the Greek by the shoulders and cries, “Ellinas eisai?” “Pos?” the stunned Greek replies, “kai esei?” “Den akouses to onoma mou, emai

Gerasimos! (didn’t you hear my name? I am Gerasimos).”

THE CHURCH ROOS

One Sunday after the sermon the priest tells the congregation that some tiles have blown off the roof and that they will have to be repl

aced. Rather than send extra trays around the priest says that every Sunday afternoon he will put a tray in front of the icon of the Virgin Mary with the Christ Child and whoever wants to offer a donation can do so.

The wise priest chose this course of action knowing that the congregation would object to extra trays being passed but would still want to fixthe roof. At first the donations were quite regular. When almost enough money had been colle cted to fix the roof the donations began to fall off dramatically. Suspecting something might be going on the priest hid behind the icon one Sunday afternoon. One parishioner after another came to pray briefly and then place their offering in the tray. Finally a man came up to the icon, crossed himself, and spoke aloud, “Dear Virgin Mary, please forgive me but I need this money more than you do” and began to reach into the tray. The priest was so angry he thought he would scare the man rather than simply denounce him as a thief. “Stop that,” the priest shouted from behind the icon, “I, the baby Jesus, command you!!!” Instead of dropping the money the thief shouted back, “I’m talking to your mother, kid, not you, shout up” and walked off with the money.

DEATH IN THE XENITIA

Death far from home and family was and remains a deep fear of all immigrants. Still, the Greeks are not above laughing at death itself! A young Greek immigrant died. On reaching the Gates of Heaven he sees St. Peter with the Book of Life open before him. “Oh, this is terrible,” St. Peter says. Fearing the worst the Greek asks, “What’s wrong?” “Well, this has never happened before you’ve been

exactly 50% good and 50% bad. I don’t know where you should go.” To this the young Greek replied, “well, I’ve never been dead before what do you think the fairest thing is to do?”

Touched by the young Greek’s bravery, St. Peter immediately said, “I will show you Heaven and Hell and let you decide where you want to go.” No sooner had St. Peter said this that the Golden Gates of Heaven began to ope n. The two entered. And true to

prophecy Heaven is a place of quiet and beauty; order and serenity; a vast endless landscape of calm and gentility. After their tour of Heaven, St. Peter instantly takes the young Greek to the Iron Doors of Hell. With a lump in his throat, the young Greek watche

d as the rusty doors swung open. But to his great surprise, Hell is one massive party. There’s singing, dancing, people running around half naked knocking over long tables covered with wine and food that seemed to be everywhere.

After their tour of Hell the two returned to the Book of Life. “What is your decision?” St. Peter asked. “Well, I know Heaven is your home and I don’t wish to offend you but Hell looked to be much more fun.” “No, no, don’t worry,” St.Peter said as he wrote the

decision down in the Book of Life. Taking the young Greek back to the Doors of Hell, St. Peter said to the young man as he shook the youth’s hand, “I want to thank you for helping me in this manner. If there is anything else I can do for you don’t hesitate to

ask.” With that the giant doors begin to open but as they do so the young Greek sees before him massive suffering! People in agony of the worst sort. The very air is filled with great shouts of loss and sorrow! “What is this,” the Greek shouts, “the last time I came it

was a party how it is only endless pain?!” “Ahh,” St. Peter replied, “the first time you came as a tourist, now you are an immigrant!”